Finally, after four months, I am starting to feel alive again. It may have to do with the fact I come to the realization that a 9 to 5 job is not meant for me. I have been trying to force a circle in a square hole for too long. My whole goal was to leave my current job and the assholes behind. But you know what? There are assholes everywhere! I have been in the workforce since 2005. In that time I have worked in retail, customer service, security, and construction administration. You know the common factor? THEY ALL SUCKED! Every single job was soul sucking. Just when I thought it could not get worse, I’d find another job that multiplied all my dislike by ten. And the worse part is we actively go out and seek these types of environments.
This has made my job hunt basically fruitless. I look at Indeed, CareerBuilder, and Monster and go “meh.” Exceptional customer skills, flexibility and able to multi-task. You know what reads: We want someone to be subservient, handle all the additional jobs that management feels is beneath them and say goodbye to any activities outside of work because you will be working overtime. I know this because despite all the buzzwords these companies put in the ads, they are all the same. No one values your education or leadership skills. They want you to know your place and sit in your box all day long. Forget about asking for more money either. Most companies are acting like you’re personally stealing from them. Oh, I’m sorry I should be glad to do four other people’s jobs plus be your personal assistant for $17 per hour.
I think I’m tired of working hard for other people. Right now my company president has an apartment in Paris, a fishing boat in Florida, a vacation home in Arizona and a couple of race cars. You know what I got? A shitty apartment and a 10-year-old Pontiac G6. My one escape is going to Florida or Boston once a year. My friend tells me, “Well at least you have that to look forward to.” Silly me, I do not want to have 50 weeks of the year to be miserable and then try to find my happiness in only two. I need to feel something other than hatred and disgust about my job. I don’t care about window coverings, military vehicles or security systems. Sorry, I tried, but I can’t. If I don’t have a vested interest, I just don’t care. It is hard to garner interests for companies who don’t even know your name. Oh Hi….Theresa (or as my boss calls me Therese) because I’ve only worked here for 2 1/2 years, why bother learning my name.
I’ve tried the lack of production in the workplace too. That didn’t work either. Some mornings I have sat at my desk staring and done nothing. When I finally was able to get the composure to work, I get my stuff done in an hour. Maybe I should be like my co-worker who plays on her iPhone and calls off once a month on a Monday. Oh but she has a baby, and that’s okay. Therese, I need 12 subcontractor email addresses in the next 5 minutes. I am expected to jump while others sit on their asses. You know what that taught me? Don’t be 100% at work. Companies will see that and take full advantage of it. You are now the company patsy.
Companies do not want leaders; they want slaves. I started to think it was just me. You know going through the rough patches slightly skewed my vision of life. But I saw it with my mom, working for a company that would love nothing more than to lay her off. Her vacation and benefits are costing the company money. My friend’s company had layoffs, and now he’s stuck with two people’s jobs. You know that sick thing, we are programmed to think that this is okay. It’s okay for a company to treat you like this because you should be thankful to have a job. Yeah, I’m so thankful for the panic attacks, the chest pain and the deep depression my job sent me down. Thanks, work!
I’ve sat in the bathroom thinking about my escape. I can’t say I want any job like this again. I can’t be the 60+-year-old working in HR, crotchety and waiting to retire. Is this what I’m meant to do? Answer calls like a phone monkey and leaves every day with my dignity in tatters. Yes, you have not lived until you have a customer scream in your ear about something that is not your fault. If I find something, then what? Six months down the road in the same position. I need to get off the hamster wheel and strike out on my own. If I fail, I fail under MY OWN terms, not because someone in the office made me a part of their bad day.