Navigating the Underminers: A Survivor’s Story

There’s no shortage of shitty co-workers in an office. You have the health nuts, the slackers, and the office gossips. The worse of the worse is the ambivalent underminer AKA Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. You know the type. The one who will pretend to be your friend (“You know we’re the only ones that look out for each other”) while trying to slander your reputation in the office. Believe me; they can be quite cunning. I usually see the good in people, give them the benefit of the doubt, and it always burns me in the end. I thought that our underminer was someone I could trust in the office. It turns out I was wrong, and it has cost me dearly.

There was a recent study that showed the ambivalent relationships in the office actually cause more stress than working with someone with a negative attitude. The theory is that with a Negative Nancy, you know what to expect and can devise a strategy to deal with them. The Underminer is sneaky. He (or more likely, she) will be everyone’s best pal and generally is well liked in the office (which make them even more dangerous). They operate under a cover of friendship while blowing up reputations in the office. Think of them as an office shit-stirring ninja.

For me, it started out pretty good with my underminer. I was still new at my job, and we just got rid of the mean, lazy co-worker who EVERYONE hated. When she “trained” me, she showed me once and then it was “Oh you can’t remember how to do that?!”  No one liked this girl, and it was a relief to find someone new (She got preggo and never came aback from maternity leave). Knowing how difficult it was with the old coworker, I was determined not to throw too much at the new hire (Let’s call her Ms. M). I wanted to make her feel welcomed unlike how I was treated. Shit, I even took her to lunch the first day. Our work relationship was really good. I felt she was really holding her own and kept the department running smoothly with me. She seemed to be catching on. Everyone loved her! The atmosphere changed from one of gloomy to sunshine. I received excellent marks in my review, and my boss commented at how “well” we worked together. We even spend time outside of work with a couple of other friends. Then I took a vacation.

It felt good to come back to the office recharged… and then the little snippy comments started. “Oh while you were gone people were questioning why you did this and why you handle things this way but I stuck up for you because we’re friends.” I started to notice that my relationships were changing with my bosses. I was the go-to in the office before, and suddenly she was the star. I thought along the lines of “well if she wants more work, go at it.” If my boss can over to ask me to do something, Ms. M would jump in “Oh I can do that for you. Just send me the email.” I guess the fact that I was (and still am) working in a dead end job blinded me to the fact of what she was up to. She was slowly starting to make me look incompetent, and I was taking the blame for everything…even her own work. When I went to my bosses, I got the line, “Well everyone needs to be responsible for each other.”

She not only tarnish my relationship with my boss but with my co-workers as well. She was “drama-free” as she said but sure loved to stir it. We had a new hire that was the boss’ friend. She would be nice to this lady and talk about her behind her back. This was her MO for everyone. She was nice to the two girls in billing and then talk behind their backs. She started to make me feel like she was the only one I could trust in the office…and in a way, I started to believe her. I confided in her way more than I should’ve to a coworker. I would let her know what aggravated me about the job and she used that against me. She fed into my insecurities. In turn, she was making my job life worse and I had no idea.

The frustration started to set in. Customers started pissing me off and Ms. M loved to feed into it. “Oh I’m glad you didn’t get that call, you’ve blown up.” She would say extra loud so the whole department would hear. I would get phone calls and texts at the end of the day from her. “Our boss said this about you.” She would stroke her ego along the way too with everyone at work. “Oh I stick up for myself and you let everyone walk all over you.” She wanted to pretend like she was the boss of the department. It was funny that when confronted she wasn’t a badass bitch but rather a deer in the headlights. I asked her, “Why didn’t you say anything?” “Oh it caught me off-guard” to “I was so shocked, I couldn’t respond.”

She would tell of me of these wild stories that only occurred in the office after I left for the day. For example, she had a meeting with the boss and she let him know she wasn’t going to let him push her around. Then she started to say inappropriate things in the office. She was Puerto Rican and loved to remind everyone of it. “You know us Puerto Ricans… we’ll cut you.” It started out funny but then I noticed she started to use it to stir the pot. I told her I was in the lunchroom one time and the HR lady came in with her friend. The HR lady said, “It would nice if the Hispanics at McDonald’s could get my order right!” I was so shocked, I told her about it. Then a couple months later, she was telling someone why she didn’t like HR and used my story word for word as her own. The story happened to her and she believed it. I think that was when I realized that this girl was trouble. She was either a) a liar or b) has mental issues where she believes that this really happened to her.

The final piece de resistance was two months ago. She knew I was going on other job interviews and getting close to leaving. I have to admit I was fed up with her and there was a little joy in the fact I was going to stick her with work. Well everything fell through for me which meant more work and being stuck in my hellhole of a job. Suddenly she gets a job interview and this new job cannot wait to hear from her. In fact they were so excited they wanted to meet with her right away. Within a week, she went from fucking up here to being the best candidate to run the office of a staffing agency. She refused to give two weeks notice. “Well that’s only a courtesy and not required.” She concocted a story how the environment was so bad her that she needed to leave to take care of her father who had cancer. Even on her way out, she was a lying bitch.

 

The last week here, she did nothing but try to spread lies and rumors. She told me how much she made which was about two dollars per hour more than me. “I don’t know how you can still work here knowing what they pay you. I would be embarrassed.” I was mad when I found out about this and that’s when she threatened me, “You can’t say anything because you will only make things bad for yourself here.” Excuse me, bitch! That’s when all her lies and games started to fall into place. 

In addition to that, she told my co-worker that it was her own fault that she still had the same position for 10 years. She informed me that our boss was more upset about finding someone who could work with me. She said in her review they thought she was a “saint” for working with someone with a difficult personality like myself. Funny because if that was a problem, why wasn’t it addressed with me? I’ve worked for the past 12 years and never been described as a “difficult” employee. She also bragged how none of my coworkers like me and said they enjoyed when I wasn’t in the office. “People find you difficult to work with,” she would say. Guess that’s why I was the only one in the office invited to one of my co-worker’s Christmas party.

As she left, she kept reminding everyone how the company begged her to stay. “We’ll pay your more” and “We’ll put you in a different department.” Truth is after she left, my boss said, “It’s so nice and quiet without big mouth here.”

It’s been a couple weeks since she left. I also feel a sense of relief. My bosses have had a better relationship with me. I’m not getting blamed for work that was not mine. It’s still hectic since I have more work piled on but it’s manageable without an office psycho to deal with. It doesn’t change my mind about leaving. But I feel like I have breathing room now.

And yes, Ms M still contacted me. What started out as “Hey how’s it going there?” on her first day back turned into almost daily texts of “You haven’t found another job yet??? How can you stand it?” I decided to completely cut the cord and block her from my life. I found out she blocked me from her Facebook account as well. For someone who told me we were friends, why would you do that unless you’re hiding something? I really wanted to comfort her on things that I found out about her. In the end though, what’s the point?

It’s been hard but some times you have to let go. Having this person in my life created nothing but hurt and anger in my life. I feel better moving on. The one regret I do have is that I was fooled for over a year. If there’s one saving grace, it’s that this incident has taught me to not trust the wolf in sheep’s clothing.